The Need to Return Home

Recently, I’ve felt quite distant.

Not distant to the people around me, in fact, I’ve been quite close to those around me.

Rather, distant to myself.

Distant from the melodies of life that bring warmth to my heart.

Distant because I’ve been engaging in too much degeneracy.

Nicotine, weed, alcohol, late nights, shit food, and video games. This recipe is as addictive as it is alluring. Once sucked in, you wake up craving the energy you felt the night before, yet you’re living on borrowed time. Tolerance builds with anything in life, and after this degree of degeneracy I’ve earned some intense anhedonia. A growing distance between myself and life’s pleasures.

This distance has led life’s flame to flicker.

I’ve been down this road before. The slow decline in mood. The general displeasure and mental fatigue. I know I’m walking down this road when the days blend together. When nothing “hits”. When boredom strikes, even in places it shouldn’t. When life becomes a repetitive chase for the ever-elusive dragon, yet we all know how that tug-of-war ends.

When degeneracy becomes habitual, it’s time for a change.

But how do I put an end to the degeneracy? How do I get closer to what makes life worth living?

Luckily, the New Year just passed.

While many make New Years resolutions that fall short, the importance of this time of year lies in the opportunity to evaluate our lives, checking which portions need maintenance and which can remain in place.

As I reflect, I’ve found tremendous power in remembering times of peace. When does my heart feel most content? When have I felt the least stressed? At what points in my life have I wished to stop time, floating in this vibe forever?

For me, it’s a simple recipe: A journal, some nature, some tea, and a sunset view. Day after day, til infinity.

I find immense tranquility in these pieces.

Pieces I’ve neglected during the entirety of 2023.

And upon reviewing the diagnostics, it’s time for maintenance.

For you, this recipe will be different. Though, you need to find your unique taste for what makes life warm.

You must find your baseline for a happy life.

As life goes on, you may deviate, indulging in new lifestyles, friends, hobbies, etc.

These deviations will give nuance to life, carving memories into your brain and leaving behind your story. New scars. New flowers. New friends. New foes.

But we all need a place to come home.

“Take everything away, just give me this”

Read that again. What comes to mind?

My journal, my nature, my tea, and my sunset are the only things that come to my mind.

If you cannot imagine the bare minimum that would bring you happiness, I’d consider you lost.

Or, like I am, lost from spending too much time away from home.

There’s no negative connotation attached to those words. Everybody finds their home at different paces. But, in order to find your home, you must do the work to reflect on your experiences. To feel, very deeply, the ways in which you are impacted by life. You will find your home as much as your home will find you. But, the distance between those two points only shrinks if you take the initiative to step forward.

So, may I suggest a New Years resolution for all of those empty handed:

For those who know what home is, do what it takes to return, even for a brief moment, to remind yourself what makes life worth living. Get a taste—it’s healthy.

And for those who don’t know what home is, be brave enough to step into the wilderness of life. Enjoy the quest towards home. Experience as much as you can to learn through elimination, but just know: The real work is in the reflection. Home may already exist, but it’s up to you to discover these treasures.

I wish everyone immeasurable luck as the New Year passes. This year, through my public reflections, I hope you gleam some value in your journey. I will certainly do my best to make these reads worth your time and attention. I take those currencies seriously.

But just know, you reading these words is enough to make me smile.

Til next time,

sapoots

_(┐「ε:)🤍🌱