Stop Swiping Away Your Humanity

So I’ve been thinking about the shortcomings of modern day friendships…

So many of us are desperate to find connection. It’s the tragedy of the modern age to be so connected, yet feel so soulless in our connected world. We thought that keeping up with a our friend’s social media posts would make us feel more connected. We thought that swiping up on a Snapchat story would validate our friendships. And while these two things occur in theory, the tragedy lies in how shallow these actions actually land in our psyche.

Our isolationist culture has robbed us of thousands of tiny social interactions. Interactions that accumulate to provide us with wisdom and confidence. Interactions that spur spontaneous friendships and intimacy, interactions that are mostly just small talk, but have the potential for more.

Things have become convenient. Socializing isn’t always convenient.

Let me repeat. Socializing isn’t always pretty.

Social media has poisoned our relationship with boredom, providing us an opportunity to—at a moments notice—feed ourselves an endless stream of engaging content. This isn’t new. We all know this. But it’s important for every individual to think about.

We spend more time than ever looking at tailored feeds. Feeds that entice. Feeds that drive envy. Feeds that make us laugh. Feeds that feed lust. Feeds that keep your boredom satiated.

Now think about if socializing worked like our feeds.

Chris walks up to you and mentions football. You instantly ick. Swipe. Done. Why would I listen to him talk about football, you hate football.

Jane walks up to you and mentions a new tomato salad she has loved cooking. You instantly ick. Swipe. Done. Why would you listen to her talk about tomatoes? You fucking hate tomatoes.

This is what we are doing on the internet every time we click off/swipe away a piece of content we don’t find interesting. Our brains ick just a little, and motivate us to swipe towards something more appropriate for our interests. This is fine on the internet, as the internet is indifferent to you swiping off of a video you don’t care about, but when socializing, this has real implications.

I hate to break it to you, but when socializing, not everything is engaging. Sometimes, for the sake of a friendship, you must listen without actually caring about what someone is saying. To let them speak on their interests and enjoy it for just that. Sometimes socializing is listening to someone rant about their latest achievement in a game you give two fucks about. Sometimes socializing is being happy for Jane who discovered her new tomato salad, knowing damn well you’re never going to eat it.

Someone expressing a passion or interest should be a catalyst for bonding, not a catalyst for refusing to give a fuck because it doesn’t interest you.

Say instead, we apply this example to you talking about something you’re interested in.

“Yo Brian! Dude, I just read this new book about the history of mosquitos and how it’s likely that mosquitos were likely the downfall of most ancient civilizations! Isn’t that wild?”

Brian, not giving an absolute fuck about what you’re saying, shows no interest whatsoever. Maybe he chalks up a habitual “damn, that’s crazy.”

How does it feel when someone pays no attention your interests? It sucks! It’s an invalidation of what makes you unique.

People who have developed confidence or ego tend to be immune to this feeling. They know that their interests are not always interesting to others, and as such, a dismissal of one’s interest does not reflect anything other than the listener’s fancy being ill fond for what you’re talking about.

Because so many are trying their hardest to make social connections, when an individual’s expression is met with disinterest, it becomes reinforcement that what they say has no value.

I’m not interesting, they conclude.

Social anxiety is a growing threat, and as a result people are choosing to tune into their feeds rather than tune into the thoughts and expressions of others.

Because it’s safe.

Because it’s easy.

Because it’s engaging.

I urge you to think critically of your internet habits and how they train the pattern above. The skills of socializing run antithetical to the nature of our internet use, and as such, we’re getting worse at socializing. Getting worse at our initial goal—to feel connected, loved, and appreciated.

(P.S. Because our algorithms niche-ify our interests, it becomes increasingly more common for us to become interested in things almost NO ONE knows about. Someone may go down a rabbit hole for two weeks finding extreme interest in the biochemical composition of snail mucus. Another may dive into every piece of Bionicle lore. That’s cool, but know that the more niche your interest is, the less you’ll be able to relate it to other people. Sometimes it's wise to develop interests that are popular to fall back on when first getting to know people instead of only holding niche interests.)

When socializing, there may be a friction to your beliefs and interests that we typically shroud ourselves from based on our algorithms. Confirmation bias feels good. It’s comforting to be around people who believe the same thing you do. Who find the same things interesting. Why would we talk to others with differing beliefs? How stupid must they be to believe all that bullshit?! They find THAT interesting?!?

As people, we should not be scared to express what we’re interested in. And also as people, we should develop an ability to connect with people with differing interests.

But like I said, socializing isn’t always pretty. Someone’s hygiene may be off. They may stink. They may not look as good the beauties of the internet. You may feel yourself standing awkwardly. Talking awkwardly. Stench. Breath. Height. Body language. All of this devoid in our scrolling sessions. Devoid in our gluttonous intake of tailor-fed information we so often engage in.

Leaving us with the question of: Why do we socialize when I can entertain myself instead?

There’s a lot of reasons to isolate yourself, but prolonged isolation takes a toll on you. Depriving yourself of human intimacy breaks your brain. Maybe you grow cynical. Maybe you feel lonely. Maybe you feel a strong sense of depression. Maybe you grow socially awkward, making it harder to break into the social world.

Again, I started this blog begging the question of how our internet usage morphs how we engage in social situations. I haven’t even mentioned the effects of an isolationist lifestyle on your body. The vessel that controls so much of how you feel and perceive the world.

I can't help but add a piece about the physical component of our internet usage as well, as the mind and body are so inextricably linked.

Failing to get sunlight every morning destroys your circadian rhythm. Fuck it, i’ll snooze that shitty alarm 15 times before crawling out of bed.

Failing to workout your body may cause pains and illness your brain can’t ignore. Fuck it, watching YouTube videos on how to workout is easier.

Forgetting to drink water for 6 hours cause you were stuck in a scroll-loop takes a toll on your body.

Destroying your sleep by staying up late and scrolling through shit that doesn’t matter takes a toll on your body and mind.

And worst of all, our cures for boredom have deprived us of a quiet mind used for self-reflection—the tool individuals of the past used to process of all the negative feeling so many of us deal with today. The tool used to make sense of it all. The tool used to come to terms with what’s thrown our way, gleaming wisdom from our experience that we can use to get through future hardship.

Fuck it, I’ll drown out these thoughts and anxieties with another mindless scrolling session, pushing the growing burden to tomorrow’s you.

Our addiction to technological comforts is directly affecting our ability to be a healthy human.

We have a responsibility to maintain our ability to connect with others just as we have a responsibility to maintain our health and well-being.

Our mental health affects how we show up on a daily basis.

Our physical health affects how we show up on a daily basis.

Be conscious of how you engage with the internet.

Engage intentionally, not habitually, for you could be shutting yourself off from so much humanity.

So ask yourself, how has your relationship with technology affected your ability to connect with yourself and others? Are you thriving in this lifestyle?

How has your relationship with technology changed your interests over time?

Would it be wise to allow other interests outside of your norm?

Would it be wise to explore other ways of thinking?

Does technology actively help me look in the mirror and smile, or actively pull me away from that gift?

Thank you for reading.

Til next time,

sapoots

_(┐「ε:)_🤍🌱

Trip to the Real World by sapoots