Invest in your Strengths or Continue Wasting Effort

We’re two months into this “taking art seriously” thing and there has been no sign of stopping. It’s bizarre to me, as for the longest time my passion for new endeavors fizzled away as the novelty wore off.

Fresh out of college, I landed a job in the material testing industry. Exciting. Well, I shouldn’t give myself too much credit, cause when I got to the job site, there was a dissonance between the job description and the work I was doing.

I was promised hands on, science work. Working in a lab, with all the equipment I had been accustomed to since undergrad. I was excited. I knew that so long as the job was hands on, I could excel. I’ve never succeeded in places where memorization was the determination of success—school was difficult for this reason—but as I was trained for the position, my confidence dwindled. Memorization was the entirety of this job. Memorize different types of fungal spores, count fungal spores, recall spores, distinguish between spores.

The excitement I felt for finally getting a job depleted with each training day. I did alright during the first days of training, but it felt like I was swimming upstream. I knew I was moving against the grain, but I told myself it must be an issue with my thought process. “You’re not holding a growth mindset, Drew” is what I told myself. You can succeed in this position, you’re just thinking about it wrong.

The training was 6 weeks all the way across the country. I had plenty of time to think.

And so I did. I was trying out new mental frameworks to feel inspired to do the work. To feel more confident in the training. But above it all was a truthful hum that reminded me, “Drew, you know you don’t excel in positions like these. There are people out there who would love this job, but you’re not one of them.” Stubborn, I suffocated the hum with more reasons why I should be good at this job. Why I should be able to fit squares through circles and circles through squares.

At work I would draw doodles to feel a bit better about my poor performance. I kept failing the trials, over and over, and I couldn’t remember any more spores. I had hit my cap, yet there was still so much more to remember.

My manager came over and fell in love with the doodles. She took some of them and hung them up in the facility, shown below. This piece is something that I doodled in response to all the failures I was getting on the tests. Whenever I would fail, this stupid little window would pop up, reminding me of the failure, and hence, a corporate nightmare.

Without knowing how influential her words would be, she dropped an offhanded comment: “You should do something more creative, Drew.” Then walked away.

This is when I realized I was simply in denial about what I can excel in.

I thought I could do it all. I thought I could have the perfect memory. I thought I could be the one to grind through the monotony of repeated tasks. I kept telling myself I could do it despite the stack of proof against me.

So what did I do? I mustered up the courage to leave the position and pursue sapoots. Not an easy decision, by the way. My first job out of college. Full benefits. Full time. 10 min away from home. Decent pay. All for what? To go pursue art? To go be a starving artist making no money?

Yes, because what I learned is that my self limiting beliefs can only fade away if laid on a foundation of self acceptance. Never once have I leaned into something I’m good at. Never once had I considered switching majors in college from something less focused on memorization to something more creative.

I had never accepted my strengths, and instead clouded my judgement with affirmations that I can be good at everything. I couldn’t. I was never meant to, it just took me awhile to realize.

To you, the reader, I beg the question: What is it you’re trying to make work that so obviously isn’t working? How would your life change if you leaned into the areas you excel, rather than putting energy into areas you don’t?

Just some food for thought, and if you feel compelled, leave a comment answering this question yourself.

Now look, do I think you should stop trying to learn new things and overcome obstacles in your mind? Absolutely not. But if you have paid the price of time and effort trying to make something work with the result always ending poorly, why continue doing it? Isn't your time best spent elsewhere? Is your ego getting in the way of you making progress?

I sure hope not, because we all have strengths and weaknesses, we just suck at accepting them both.

Til next time,

sapoots