Flip the Switch

“There’s nothing you can’t afford. You just haven’t made it a priority yet.”

A friend of mine once said those words, and while certainly these words fall apart when thinking about absurd financial goals, it certainly holds true for a lot of the things we claim to not have the bandwidth for.

Some of these things include vacations, phones, clothes, etc.

One of these things is children.

Anecdotally, I find that many of my peers don’t want to have kids. Everyone has their unique reasons, but rising costs and a general sense of uncertainty about the world certainly play a part in this decision.

Kids are expensive, yet people still make it happen. How?

Above all, there seems to be a dramatic shift in their priorities.

When becoming a parent, there’s a mental shift that takes place in the mind. Your shortcomings are now amplified by the presence of a child. There is now an interpreter of your failures that you need to account for, so straighten your act or dish out scars.

Many take this role of parenting serious and so they make drastic changes to their life.

They begin to take life seriously. Because now, their choices matter.

I find this mental shift fascinating.

Why is it that bringing a child into this world causes people to get their shit together?

Of course, there are horrible parents who avoid this responsibility, though I’m not referencing them in this blog. For those that change, there seems to be a switch flipped internally that changes the person’s behavior—usually forever and usually for the better.

What is that switch? How can we attain it? We see this in other domains of life. Addicts who suddenly decide to get sober. Ex-convicts who dramatically reverse their life after their sentence. Broke people who decide to start taking finances seriously to grow rich.

They all flipped the switch.

I’d argue that for many, this switch is flipped because of a realized sense of responsibility. To family members they keep hurting. To friendships they want to repair. To children they want to protect. To themselves and their pride.

But I beg the question: With a growing population of individuals who have no goal of becoming parents, what is their switch?

What keystone moments do they have that force them to go “Shit, I need to get my life together.”

Many of us avoid taking on responsibility because of the liability. I can’t blame you! It’s enticing to limit responsibility. The freedom that comes from it is reminiscent of childhood.

But we need to adult somehow. It’s just how the world works.

Hence, a concept: Imagined Responsibility. Attaining the benefits of responsibility, without traditional keystone events such as parenthood, war, heartbreak, etc. Brought out by a seriousness in any responsibility we already have or will acquire in the future.

What brought this about? Funny enough, an old stuffed animal of mine.

I have this dolphin stuffed animal who I’ve had since childhood. In the most sentimental way, he’s seen me grow throughout all the struggle and strife. He’s sat beside me while I’ve cried. He’s sat beside me while I’ve meditated for change. He’s sat beside me when I’m happy.

While staring at this little dolphin of mine, I thought, what if I treat this stuffed animal as a dependent? To acquire a sense of responsibility for this inanimate thing. Does it breathe? No. Does it speak? No. And yet, there’s a sentiment that holds true—I feel a weird sense of responsibility to not let this dolphin down.

Bear with me. Yes I realize that it’s a fucking stuffed animal. You might be thinking, “How the fuck does that compare to responsibility for a child?”

The sentiment of feeling responsible can be applied to anything—including inanimate things—so long as you treat that responsibility with the proper seriousness.

What can we attach responsibility too? Friends? Stuffed animals? Photos of loved ones?

Anything we hold strong sentiment for we can attach a sense of responsibility too.

If you have something living (a dog, a cat, houseplants, etc.), great. Attach it to that too.

Strong sentiments are typically found in—but not exclusive too—living things.

I truly believe that parental responsibility is primarily gained through our sentiments towards children. So much goes into giving birth to a child, so of course there would be intense sentiments to match. Though, I truly believe we can achieve these same sentiments towards things that don’t require intense struggle, sacrifice, and strife—reaping the benefits of responsibility without the need for parenthood or any other traditional keystone event that forces one to mature.

This “switch” is flipped because we believe we have a responsibility to something.

And if you aren’t planning on having children, don’t forget that we all carry an inner child we’re responsible for. You owe it to them as well.

I’d argue that many of us would benefit from taking on a responsibility.

To make an attempt to flip that switch.

For some, that will be parenthood.

For others, they will need an alternative.

Something to work for.

Something to share blessings with.

Something to lean on.

Something to feel empowered to take care of to the best of our abilities.

Something to be proud of.

Something to love.

After all, we are human. It feels good to care for others. So look around and find something in your life that you care deeply for, and try to flip that switch. Be responsible for the well-being of whatever you choose, and take that responsibility seriously.

Because in a generation of people who crave comfort more than ever, the subtraction of responsibility might inhibit your growth more than you think.

So, ask yourself: What am I responsible for? To what degree to I take on or avoid responsibility? What person would I become if the “switch” was flipped for me?

There’s only one way to find out.

Thank you for spending the time to think alongside me.

Til next time,

sapoots

_(┐「ε:)🤍🌱

Flip the Switch by sapoots

He tried to flip the switch, but realized his daughter would be walking home empty handed.

She laughed at his attempt.