Allow for Change: Experiment with the Flavors of You

Hello Friends,

I often think about the many roles I play in my life.

Whether it's a son, a brother, a friend, a scholar, an artist, a geek, an athlete, these different aspects of my personality compose the whole that is me.

Among all the different people I interact with, there are many personalities I put on—some contradictory to one another, though all equally true to me. It is simply the environment that brings out a different version of myself. To many, inconsistencies or hypocrisy in their personality might leave them feeling "fake"; however, I stand firmly in the contrary. Contradictions in your personality are ever-so human, and I think the more we lean into this, the better off we will feel about ourselves.

Lets assume that for every season, there's a piece of your personality that gets more stage time than the others. During the summer months you are far more active, with your physique confirming this fact. On the contrary, maybe you really enjoy the cozy, lazy vibes of wintertime, unapologetically indulging in ALL the wintertime dessert classics while skipping the gym to "bulk". (I personally am weak at the knees for the pumpkin pie + whipped cream combo).

These two traits—The "I only eat chicken, rice, and 3.5 pieces of broccoli" shredded athlete and the dessert table veteran, are seemingly contradictory personality traits, but they are both pieces of the whole. They are allowed to coexist.

That is, because you allow them to coexist.

We determine which personality traits we rucksack around. The baggage that makes you "you" is carried by the connections we uphold and the actions we take on a day-to-day basis.

If you enjoy the person you are, beautiful. But what if you don't like a piece of your personality pie?

Well, there's a couple of things I would say:

The first. Let's say that a breakfast-skipping baddie truly feels disconnected from herself during the wintertime months. She feels that "no one understands her" for wanting to skip dessert and maintain her healthy habits during winter—an all too common response for people avoiding the holiday sugar consumption. Yet, due to the peer pressure, she caves in. As November turns December, she's taken her healthy dose of pie, hot cocoa, and gluttony from the many fillings her family and friends provided. She gets frustrated at the fact that during the summer season, people are so quick to compliment her hard work, yet encourage the opposite during wintertime. She wakes up every day feeling frustrated with herself for creating a divide between her current self and her goals. She does not feel Kenough.

For this individual, something needs to change. It's clear that her behaviors are distant to who she wants to be. The people in her life fail to recognize this, and in fact, actively drag her away from the person she wants to maintain. Some might shout from the rooftops, projecting their own relationship to the holidays onto her, failing to recognize the different ways of living for each being. This individual is left with a choice: Find new people to surround herself with during the winter season, or set better boundaries with those she's already connected with.

While this example is specific to food, the concept extends beyond the simplicity of physique. For many of us, differing people bring out different modes of thinking within us. With some people we might be more excited about life. With others, we might be more cynical. With some we might feel extremely ambitious and motivated towards are goals. With others, we might feel motivated to relax and tip the scales towards "balance."

Whatever the character trait may be, if you don't like a trait someone is bringing out of you, change the friendship or change the context. The reality is this: Certain people or places will only understand a sliver of who you are. The more we change as people, the more distant some relationships will feel. This is natural. This is what people mean when they say they "outgrew" a friendship/relationship. The growing disparity between who you were and who you are highlights those who hold you back.

Again, as mentioned before, you can either change the friendship or change the context (cut them out). Never with malice, just with an understanding that their presence is no longer needed in your life.

But, before we do that, there's an intermediate period where we aren't who we want to be and we aren't entirely distant from the person we once were. This is where the fun starts.

In this "zone of nobody", you can intentionally act in ways that are not yourself, solely for entertaining other types of thinking/traits/behaviors to see how they relate to your sense of well-being. This allows you to experiment with new ways of thinking without claiming them as your own or "part of you"...yet. Upon reflection, you can either ditch that trait, or adopt it into your life if it serves you well.

Imagine you're someone who tends to be cautious and risk-averse in your decision-making. You have a friend who's adventurous and spontaneous, and their approach to life intrigues you. You decide to intentionally act more spontaneously when you're with them, trying out new activities and being open to unexpected opportunities.

Over time, you realize that some aspects of this spontaneous behavior resonate with you and add excitement to your life. It's a valuable experience, but you don't feel it's entirely 'you.' After a period of experimentation, you may choose to adopt some of these traits into your life selectively, finding a balance that works for you. This process allows you to explore new ways of thinking without feeling pressured to fully embrace them unless they genuinely enhance your life.

The more you experiment, the closer you get to you. The more sauces you dip your chicken nuggets in, the more confident you can be that honey mustard is the best (fight me...you get the point).

Allow for change.

Following the contours of your personality as you navigate life is essential to crafting a life worth living.

Til next time,

sapoots

_(┐「ε:)_🌱